Disconnected from Reality…

Posted by on Jul 10, 2012 in Jacksonville, Life | No Comments

Many of you, my faithful blog consumers, are probably smiling and nodding to yourselves after reading that headline. And that’s how I know you’re a real friend. And I’m not even saying that in a snarky or facetious way. Thank you.

Of course, I’m referring to my recent temporary estrangement from AT&T’s hallowed U-verse service. It’s been a little more than 24 hours now that I’ve been divorced (or separated?) from my high-speed Internet and TV service due to a mysterious “outage in my neighborhood.” And like any breakup between once-passionate lovers, it really sucks and hurts, and I want to work things out.

“It’s just a little disagreement!” I screech as I helplessly watch the AT&T truck scream down Gwynford Lane. Disagreement between my residential gateway, a DNS server, some wireless adapters … but let’s not get into the weeds here.

Only now do I know what it must have been like for Beavis and Butt-head when there was nothing good on TV. At least when Beavis would squeal, “This sucks! Change it!” to Butt-head, they could watch another video that sucks. My remote just sits there, limp and lifeless, and the test pattern remains.

I’ve tried to make it work with my iPhone, but let’s face it … I’m not a mobile native, and honestly, it feels like cheating. I need the glory of a 26″ widescreen monitor and a backlit, tactile keyboard to get my online jollies. Email, Facebook, Twitter … they’re just not the same on a 3.5″ screen, and they never will be. So for those soothsayers at Mashable or Technorati who have been banging the death drum for the desktop and laptop … I say to you, give it a rest. I know you need to write about something, but size DOES matter.

Pragmatist that I am, there are a few silver linings to acknowledge during this estrangement. Being disconnected from reality means reality shows, and I think all of our collective brain cells would welcome the silence without the secretly scripted madness. I’m writing this post from Amie’s living room, which means more quality time with the woman I love. And a little slice of her bountiful Comcast wifi won’t hurt a bit (OK, that’s cheating, too, but have you ever written a blog post on an iPhone?!). Plus I decided to get out of the house for this evening with a 4-mile run, my first such distance in more than two months. Granted, in the 90-degree heat and 100 percent humidity, I could have just gone for a nap.

So I’ve decided to recycle the vitriol I manufactured last night for AT&T and its poor (and poor English-speaking) technical support crew and instead will ponder the virtues of living without technology seeping out of every corner of my home. Of course, all of this talk could be only a clever coping mechanism, the kind a jilted lover employs short-term to “get over” the jiltee, all the while clenching fists and crossing fingers that his lover (well … the AT&T truck) will return to his arms.

Off to do some living … or at least, at this hour, some sleeping.